Super Bowl Sunday is a food-filled annual fete that unites millions over a love of all things cheesy, carb-y and saucy.
Of course, there are NFL fans who will be screaming at the television after every touchdown, sack, and blown pass-interference call. Then there are the degenerates who bet on the coin toss, color of the Gatorade and the length of the national anthem. There are those who eagerly anticipate some of the best commercials and halftime performances by Jennifer Lopez and Shakira. And finally, there are the people who just like staring at modern-day Greek god Jimmy Garoppolo’s flawless jawline.
The average NFL game lasts over three hours, but expect to surrender your entire afternoon and evening when you toss in the Puppy Bowl, the pregame festivities, extended commercial breaks and flashy halftime show. According to the USDA, Super Bowl Sunday ranks second to Thanksgiving as America’s biggest day of food consumption, so no matter why you’ve gathered, you’re going to need to eat something.
The good news? All food pairs well with beer and spiked seltzers. The bad news is that not all Super Bowl party food is equal. Just like the players on the field, there are your studs and duds.
Here, The Post offers a definitive power ranking of Super Bowl party food.
1.Buffalo chicken dip
The MVP of Super Bowl parties . . . what a shame that it’s limited to occasions like these. A good Buffalo chicken dip is like watching Patrick Mahomes breaking tackles to score a 27-yard touchdown in every bite. Cheese, cream cheese, ranch dressing, chicken and hot sauce — it’s like wings without the sticky hands afterward.
2.7- or 10-layer dip
Imagine going to Chipotle and adding everything your heart desires. That’s what eating 10-layer dip is like, and no one is going to charge you extra for guac at the end.
3.Pigs in blankets or co*cktail wieners
The perfect bite-size, mess-free finger food. Plus, co*cktail wieners are Americans’ most popular Super Bowl snack, according to a recent study from Bid-on-Equipment that analyzed nationwide Google search data.
4.Tater tots
Is it really a party without some fried spud-variant? Certainly not one you want to attend. Tots are an ideal vehicle for savory dipping sauces.
5.Sliders
Another one-handed, relatively mess-free snack. Brisket, hamburgers, pulled pork, shredded chicken, BLTs — the possibilities are endless.
6.Deviled eggs
An entertaining mainstay in many parts of the country. Make them just like your nana did or get creative. In addition to paprika, try topping them with jalapeño peppers, avocados, shredded crab, bacon, pancetta, lardons or lobster, and put a little South in your mouth.
7.Nachos
Nachos are great, but the melted cheese destroys their shelf life. Cheese-topped nachos must be consumed immediately, or they turn into a soggy mess and the Super Bowl seems to drag on for hours. Play it safe and stick to the 10-layer dip.
8.Chicken wings
Yes, a shocking snub at No. 8. Wings are great in theory, but in reality, they are messy as sin and require two hands to eat. And even a Costco-sized pallet of wet naps is insufficient to clean up the aftermath. It’s all fun and games until you try to balance your Bud Light, eat wings and lose your mind over a Travis Kelce wildcat touchdown all at the same time.
9.Pizza
You can eat pizza literally any day of the week. Or every day of the week if that sparks joy. Plus, the pizza served at parties is not typically a quality product. Don’t squander this once-a-year occasion on a pedestrian Papa John’s pie.
10.Salsa, guacamole, queso or hummus
If Buffalo chicken dip is your Patrick Mahomes, salsa and chips are your Alex Smith. Pretty difficult to mess up, but they’re never going to win you a Lombardi trophy.
11.Plain chips
Who hurt you? Serving something directly from a bag shows your guests you have given up on life. People did not come to a Super Bowl party to be served vending machine food.
12.Vegetable or crudité plate
Kudos to the New Year’s resolutioners still going strong on Feb. 2, but get out of here with raw cauliflower and ranch dip. Have some dignity and order a Sweetgreen salad come Monday to atone for Sunday’s calorie fest.
13.Bonus (sleeper pick): Dumplings, eggrolls or wontons
If you haven’t had the deep-fried American variant of these Asian staples, please ask yourself whether you are really living your best life. Satiate your Super Bowl cravings with these fun finger foods.
